A colleague recently noted a trend in society that has metastasized in recent years into extreme levels of self-absorption. She said, “I find the general level of self-preoccupation in society today absolutely startling.” What’s sad about this obsessive fixation with self is that it is interferes with coping with the stressors in your life. A coping plan that revolves around you, to the exclusion of others, is destined to fail. You will never be sensitive to your true inner self if you cannot be sensitive to the needs of others.
I often wonder how we might view things if, when we correspond or speak with someone, or post something on social media, instead of using words like “Republican” or “Liberal,” we substituted the phrase, “Those who agree with me,” or, “Those who disagree with me.” For instance, suppose someone says, “The country is falling apart with the Republicans in office. If Democrats take over, we’re back on the road to sanity.” Inflammatory words, right? But what if the person said, “The country is falling apart with those who disagree with me in office. If those who agree with me can take over, we’re back on the road to recovery.” Hmm. Less emotionally inciting, perhaps? Less a condemnation of others? More an admission of your responsibility for the conflict, an admission of your self-preoccupation? Maybe.
If you resolved to use only the phrasing, “Those who agree/disagree with me,” would you begin to realize that you have been operating from a self-absorbed, egocentric point of view that encourages conflict? Would you begin to understand that you have created an artificial dichotomy between “us” and “them” that is based on the uniqueness and superiority of “me”? Might you begin to appreciate that saying “those who agree/disagree with me” puts “us” and “them” on an equal plane, where the opposing positions just might both be valid? Could you conclude, “I have an opinion, others have an opinion, and the resolution to the conflict just might be somewhere in the middle”? Maybe.
One thing for certain: When you see yourself as the only enlightened one, you will never successfully cope with your stressors because you are operating in emotional mode, not problem-solving mode. The emotional mode incites, inflames, and provokes, which can lead to depression and self-sabotaging actions. Why? Because reality dictates that you are not the center of it all, and reality has a way of popping up again, and again, and again.
Psychology and Stress 