Anger is an important emotion to manage and channel. It can be dangerous to self when bottled up or released, but constructive when channeled into positive energy. The latter is especially important when angry people do not need anger management, but need to address relationship problems that cause them to use anger to intimidate and bully others.
Society provides little opportunity for people to get angry. We are not supposed to get angry at school, in public, or in the workplace. Many children are not allowed to express their anger at home, and they do not learn how to express it; they also grow up to be adults who think it is wrong to be angry. Society generally encourages us to deny anger: It is not polite or appropriate to be angry; anger makes others uneasy, even if only talking about it; others treat us like we’re irrational if we are angry, even if our feelings are legitimate; professionals are even afraid to confront us and tell us we have an anger problem, worried they might lose us as a client or patient.
We need to teach children it is natural to be angry sometimes, and that there are appropriate ways to express anger, such as by being assertive. Also, there are times when we just need to accept that our anger will dissipate eventually, just like grief and other emotions. We also need to realize that anger must be released in appropriate ways. For instance, research teaches us that the release of anger through aggression makes future aggression more likely. That is, the aggressive release of anger may amplify future aggressive behavior, not provide a catharsis that will reduce it.
We have anti-depressants, anti-anxiety agents, and anti-psychotics. But when was the last time you saw an ad for an anti-anger medication? It is only in clever and subtle ways that physicians treat anger; they use that other stuff, the mood stabilizers, the anti-anxiety pills, anti-psychotics, and anti-depressants. Physicians rarely tell patients they are getting medicated for their anger.
Prohibitions in society against anger make us mask our anger with other emotions, particularly guilt. Many angry clients have not really done anything wrong, but they complain about feeling guilty. It sounds better for them to say they have regrets or guilt feelings than to complain about being angry. Others respond more politely to guilt than to anger. Here is an important coping lesson to remember: Coping effectively with anger requires you to remember that, like all emotions, anger provides you with information. You must use that information to determine the best direction your actions should take. We will look more closely at those directions next week.
Psychology and Stress 