In 1964 Davitz and Beldoch talked about cognitiveintelligence as different from emotionalintelligence. They linked the former to mental abilities, but tied the latter to emotional effectiveness in social communication, especially the ability to empathize with others. In the context of coping with stress, high emotional intelligence would describe those who are “secure in their own skin.” These folks have healthy levels of self-esteem and feel empowered to be autonomous, independent, confident, and optimistic as they confront the challenges of daily life. Individuals with high emotional intelligence are good at accepting reality, taking responsibility for their actions, setting priorities, persisting in the face of failure, and navigating their way through the maze of stressors that regularly confront them.
But even emotional intelligence is not the whole story when it comes to coping effectively with stress. Many people high in emotional intelligence may be confident and secure as they tend to their needs. Unfortunately, however, they may leave a trail of human psychological carnage in their wake as they focus on an egotistical coping strategy that puts them at the center of it all. In their own minds they are coping well, but they do so with a lot of deception, manipulation, lying, cheating, and bullying that serve themselves, but bring anxiety and suffering to others. We would not, of course, say that such people are coping well. “OK,” you ask, “if emotional intelligence by itself is no guarantee of effectively coping, what’s missing? What other traits are needed to help me use my emotional intelligence to cope in positive ways?” The answer to that question involves an intelligence that supplements emotional: Moral Intelligence.
Coping with everyday life will be most effective when emotional intelligence is joined by moral intelligence. How would we describe people with high moral intelligence? They have values, standards, and a social conscience, which means they weigh their coping actions against the needs of others. “Embezzling money may be good for me financially, but others are going to suffer, so I choose not to embezzle.” That’s moral intelligence! If you have low moral intelligence, you will not value others as dignified and worthy of courtesy and respect, and you will have no problem cheating and manipulating them to satisfy your own greed. Moral intelligence means having empathy for others, being able to understand how they are feeling. “If I insult and disparage others in the presence of their children, I may feel good, but I also show my total disregard for the pain I inflict on their offspring. As much as I dislike them, I will not disrespect them in the presence of their family.”
What we are saying is simple: You may have high emotional intelligence and feel great about yourself. But if you have low moral intelligence and can only focus on you, if you must include yourself as the primary ingredient in your coping recipe, ultimately your coping efforts will fail because you will leave behind a legacy of inflicting pain on others, and making them feel bad about themselves. Your legacy will be others who scowl at the very mention of your name.
Psychology and Stress 