Are you one of those who gets all anxious and bent out of shape when you slip-up in front of others? You’re in an important meeting and you knock your water bottle over and get some papers wet. “Oh my God,” you think, “they’re going to think I’m an incompetent boob.” Maybe not. Many of those present will probably feel some sympathy for you; others might like you, thinking, “He’s a regular guy who makes mistakes just like I do”; still others might offer to help—“Let me get you a new set of papers.” The best way to cope with public errors is to acknowledge it (“Can’t believe I did that. Sorry, folks.”); be humorously humble about it (“I shouldn’t have put that bottle there. You can see why my family doesn’t like to let me out in public too often.”); ask for help (“Anyone have a napkin?”); and move on. Here’s the thing. You’re human, not perfect. Be rational and reasonable about your self-expectations; you’re going to swing and miss at times. If someone wants to get down on you for that, make it their problem, not yours.
The steps below, like those presented last week, should help you organize your thinking about anxiety issues and help you see the best ways, in general, to approach the overall problem of confronting your anxiety problems.
Accept that stress is a normal, unavoidable aspect of life, and that feeling anxious does not make you inferior to others.
In confrontational situations, do not lash out in anger. Take slow, deep, steady breaths and concentrate on making calm but assertive comments, staying in control of the situation.
Schedule stressful events when you expect relatively few demands and changes in other areas of your life.
During the day take time for relaxing activities, even if only for a few minutes. Use a formal relaxation technique, take a walk, listen to music, or trade jokes with a friend.
List positive actions you can take in a variety of situations that will make you feel more satisfied.
Choose actions that help you become more competitive, persistent, assertive, flexible, and creative.
Anxiety, like all emotions, is a psychological danger signal. Just as physical pain signals that your body needs attention, anxiety says your mind needs attention.
Commit to important aspects of your life, such as marriage, career, children, friendships and family. A life with commitment is much less stressful than an uncommitted lifestyle.
Develop relationships that help you respond to stress; eliminate relationships that rob you of psychological stability and growth. You know who they are! Move on from them.
Avoid self-defeating responses when stressed. Excessive eating, drinking, spending, or gambling will lead to increased stress.
Accept the fact that change is stressful. Marriage, Christmas, having a baby, retirement, seeking a job promotion—all are stressful and require adjustment.
As a general rule, stop trying to avoid the stress and anxiety in your life. Stress is not the issue; what you do about the stress is the issue.
