Before attempting to take on a stressful task, ask yourself, “Is this a situation I can control?” Driving to that dreaded interview? “I have no control over how bad the traffic will be, but I can leave early when traffic is more likely to be light. I can use my relaxation methods if I feel stressed, and I can map out alternative routes in advance in case traffic backs up.” There are only two things you can directly control: Your thoughts and your actions. If your problem involves the thoughts and actions of others then your answer to the control question must be “no,” and you should move on to other issues in your life. If your answer is “yes,” then ask yourself, “What specific features of the situation make me anxious and want to avoid?” List the troublesome aspects of the situation and when they occur. Then you can move on to taking action to cope with the situation. Here are some general suggestions to help you deal with a stressful task:
Expect to be anxious in situations that make you uncomfortable, and prepare actions to confront the emotion. Preparation is always the key.
Do not deny your anxiety and tell yourself, “I’ll be fine when the event takes place.” You won’t, and the anxiety will overwhelm you.
Do not apologize to yourself or others for being emotional in certain situations. There’s no shame being nervous, in crying, or in showing other responses to your emotions. Your emotions are a part of you and not something to be ashamed of when you feel them or know they’re coming.
Accept emotions as a signal that something is bothering you. Identify, evaluate, and analyze the events that bring on emotions to help you confront those events.
Try to channel stress into productive activities. For instance, let anxiety about your surroundings make you more vigilant about what is going on around you.
Do not focus on the stress you feel. Focus on the actions you can take or not take to confront your problem. For example, “I do not enjoy my job, but I refuse to answer ads for other jobs because I’m afraid I will fail in the interview.” Now you have something specific to attack, not the stress itself, but your reluctance to search for another job because you fear failure in an interview.
Do not automatically assume an upcoming event is a threat that will show you to be incompetent or stupid. View the event as a challenge that will give you an opportunity to show your skills.
Develop a realistic and optimistic outlook about being able to meet challenges presented by stressful events. Substitute irrational and distorted beliefs (“I must be perfect and succeed in everything I do or I am a worthless person.”) with more realistic ones. Repeating realistic comments to yourself will strengthen your realistic outlook. (“If I fail, I will examine what I did wrong and take steps to correct my mistake so I will be less likely to fail the next time.”)
Effort is the key to dealing with stressful events. Prepare by practicing actions that give you a sense of personal control over yourself, not over others or over events. A student has no control over what will be on the test; the student should, therefore, diligently study all the material.
