Being empathetic in your interactions with others will enhance your coping abilities. When you argue with someone, can you calmly encourage an interaction that is more likely to lead to agreement, even if it is agree to disagree? Empathy is involved in each step of the process.
First, treat the other person courteously and with respect. Do not become arrogant and condescending because you believe your opinion is better. This style is likely when you approach a disagreement from an emotional base, rather than from a cognitive base. The former will encourage insulting, demeaning comments; the latter will encourage a calmer, more rational examination of your differences. Second, empathy means putting yourself inside the other person’s skin to appreciate how they feel. Ask yourself, “How would I react if I felt the same way?” Third, try to defuse conflict situations, and calmly ask others to state their opinion. Listen to what they say. Maintain eye contact to show your interest and concern. Try not to interrupt and expound on your point of view. Get their point of view and perspective. Try to understand the background of their opinion. Ask them what information they have to support their opinion. If possible, move the discussion to a comfortable, positive environment. Fourth, look for areas of agreement between your respective beliefs. Are there any aspects of their position that agree with yours? Work on getting those points out in the open rather than focusing entirely on how you disagree. Restate out loud the points of agreement to focus your discussion on areas of agreement, not areas of conflict. Doing so will encourage civility and courtesy as you discover there is validity in what each is saying.
Now you can begin a better give-and-take exchange. Your commonalities are out in the open; your points of disagreement are out in the open. Now you can focus on how you each have developed a perspective, and both probably have some validity. Talk about those perspectives and show an understanding of the other person and how they could reach that point. When you proceed calmly and with respect, reciprocal reactions are more likely. Remember, the point is not to change minds (although that may happen), but at least to reach a point of respectful understanding. This type of approach can go a long way to ensure productive interactions. One thing for sure, you must avoid comments like, “Well that’s just silly to believe that. It’s totally illogical.” You may be correct, but never overlook the fact that when someone believes something, it is valid in their mind. To insult a belief is to insult the believer and shows lack of empathy. This mistake in social interactions is commonplace, and especially harmful when someone is reaching out for help. It adds insult to injury.
Cindy, talking through her tears, says. “Ralph just dumped me. I don’t know how I can live without him!”
You reply, “Oh for heaven’s sake. That’s just ridiculous. You lived before knowing him, and you can certainly live after he’s gone. He didn’t impress me; you can do better.”
You may very well be correct, but here is the point: your comment implies that there is no validity to Cindy’s hurt feelings. You are mocking feelings that are very real to her and showing a lack of empathy for what she is going through. Whether wrong, illogical, or unrealistic, you are saying in so many words, “Cindy, you’re not a valid person right now.” We see this violation of successful social interaction often these days on social media, especially when the conflict is over political philosophy. Watch for it and see how the comments regress to a childish level, and become a metaphoric, “Oh, yeah, well my dad’s smarter than yours.”
Psychology and Stress 