What is it with parents today? From K-12 and into college, why will some parents not let teachers and administrators do what they are trained to do? Why do some parents get in the way and prevent self-discovery by their kids? Why do some parents enable and justify their kids’ behavior by defending them? Why do some parents protect and shelter their kids so much that their kids never learn how to evaluate their own role—“Am I to blame for what just happened?—in various situations. More and more parents today seem to feel that only they are capable of deciding what is good for their kids. Many of today’s parents are defensive when teachers, police, and other agents in society try to enforce rules of behavior because parents feel that is an intrusion on parental territory, that only parents can determine what is best for their child.
This message is beginning to permeate society: a parent complaint to a school board can get a book banned; parents are deciding certain courses—Algebra is a headliner—are not needed to get a job, so school boards should remove those courses as diploma requirements; parents are micromanaging the classroom and dictating to teachers what they can teach—Florida has banned classroom instruction from elementary school through college of any topic dealing with DEI (diversity, equality, inclusion); an amendment to a Florida law said that parents should determine if their child should be promoted to 4th grade (the amendment was eventually removed); Oklahoma schools must teach the Bible and 10 Commandments. (This dictate has also been rescinded.) The result of these actions is that we are producing generations of kids who cannot think for themselves, who fail to acquire a social conscience that includes personal accountability, and who develop low self-esteem that makes them passive, anxiety-ridden, and dependent on others for guidance. In short, too many parents— possibly driven by a need to protect their own fragile egos—are dumbing down their kids intellectually, emotionally, and socially.
Why? What factors cause parents to be so overinvolved in their kids’ lives? Here are some possibilities. Do you recognize yourself in any of them? (1) The parents are showing a pattern of control that began when their child was quite young. Terrified that the kid would get into the wrong crowd, become a drug user, or be tempted in a world fraught with sex and AIDS, they began to micromanage the kid’s activities virtually 24 hours a day; now they cannot break this automatic behavior pattern. (2) The parents do not trust their kid. They see their son or daughter as lacking in ability and judgment; they believe their child’s success will only come as a result of the parents’ intervention. (3) The parents are convinced that competence and self-esteem result from success; failure must be avoided at all costs. Thus, they shelter the child from failure so high self-esteem will result. (4) The parents may reflect on their own adolescence and young adulthood. Perhaps they want to make sure their children have more focus and direction at a young age than they—parents—did. Just as parents who grew up during the great depression resolved that their children would have better opportunities, maybe these parents want to make sure their kids are insulated from a world fraught with alcohol, crime, drugs, and casual sex. (5) The parents may fear looking like they are ineffective and failures in their childrearing. They can’t say that their kid is accountable because that is an admission that, “I, too, am accountable because I did a lousy job of raising this person to be a responsible adult.” What we have, therefore, is a situation where both parents and child are at fault, but neither is willing to face that fact.
Being a parent is a full-time job. This particular job is unique, however, because the ultimate goal of this job holder is unemployment. Many of today’s parents are moving that goal out of reach.
Psychology and Stress 