Do Something!

I once served as a guest commentator on a radio call-in show. It was early December, and the topic was holiday unhappiness and the special stresses the holiday season can bring. A woman called in complaining about how she was so unhappy because her husband had died 10 months ago, and this would be her first Christmas without him in many years. We went through the usual questions covering hobbies, friends, outside interests—anything this woman could do to re-invigorate and re-energize herself. But no matter what was mentioned, she always had the same reply, something along the lines of, “No, I don’t do that,” or, “No, I don’t like that.” Finally, I said, “Why don’t you call the local people-without-partners group, or a similar support for folks who have lost loved ones? Why don’t you go visit a nursing home and give some comfort to other folks who are hurting? Get outside of yourself and your problems and do something.” No way. She said she had bad legs and it was hard for her to get out of the house. She was absolutely unwilling to engage in any specific behaviors that would get her out of the house and “out of herself,” so to speak. The holidays were not making this woman miserable; her unwillingness to engage in behaviors to confront the holidays in a productive way made her miserable. When someone is trying to deal with stress, it’s hard for them to do so when they are unable to recognize and focus on the true problem responsible for their stress. How did this episode end? The host looked at me, shrugged his shoulders, and said, “Thanks for calling. I see we have another caller,” and we moved on.