Emotions Are Not the Problem

Stress is a part of life. Unfortunately, most people try hard to avoid it, which is too bad because avoidance will only strengthen your stress, and it will eventually overwhelm you. How many times have you watched a sporting event where a large lead for one team slowly gets smaller? The announcer says, “The game is slipping away because they’re no longer playing to win; they’re playing not to lose.” The same is true with raising kids, a job, your marriage, your friendships—no matter what the circumstance, when you try to avoid the negative emotions that can come along, you will lose. Whether your stress creates anger, guilt, loneliness, frustration, or depression, you must accept the fact that those emotions are not your problem; your problem is the avoidance actions you take in response to the emotions. When you stop seeing those emotions as the problem, and accept that the problem is the lack of pleasure and satisfaction in your life, you have something concrete in your life to focus on—actions that bring satisfaction and pleasure. Your task when coping with stress is to take positive actions that bring satisfaction and meaning to your life. The emphasis changes from concentrating on an emotional state, to concentrating on behaviors and thoughts that can bring you more satisfaction. When coping with stress, it’s a big difference.