If you cope with everyday problems by using alcohol, you are on a dangerous path. Regular use of booze for reasons other than just to be social has a way of expanding and taking control, and alcohol becomes a crutch, a necessity for dealing with life. If you reach that level, you would do well to give it up entirely. Some argue that people with drinking problems can learn to be moderate social drinkers, but for many, going down that road can also be dangerous to your stability.
Henry’s parents met in Alcoholics Anonymous when they were both recovering alcoholics. They began dating, fell in love, and married. Dad was 42 and mom was 40. Mom quickly became pregnant and Henry was born normal and healthy. Henry grew up never seeing his parents take a drink. Yes, they kept alcohol in the house, and when they entertained they offered alcohol to their guests, but they neither provided a drinking role model for the son nor did they preach to him about the evils of alcohol. When Henry was old enough to understand and the subject of alcohol consumption came up, they willingly told him their stories. They explained they were simply unable to control themselves when it came to alcohol consumption. As adherents to the 12-step format in AA, they decided they were powerless when it came to booze, and they chose to eliminate it from their lives.
Like many teenagers, Henry soon discovered alcohol for himself. He loved it! He thrived on the intoxicating effects. The “buzz” his friends experienced, the pleasure they felt from alcohol, was experienced a hundred-fold in his case. Henry found it very easy to deal with typical teenage stress and angst by slugging down a few beers or a few shots of “Jack.” Gradually, staying at some level of intoxication was his way of dealing with stress. He basically went through high school and college in an alcohol-induced fog. His youth and possibly inherited biochemistry enabled him to function through so-called hangover periods. In fact, he quickly learned that a stiff shot could cure those hangover blues.
Eventually, Henry’s booze-infested world came crashing down. He landed a good job out of college, but after about five years his work began to deteriorate. The thing that really brought him down, however, was the damage his drinking was doing to his romantic relationship. One night Henry arrived at his fiancé’s apartment. They were going out to dinner. He had obviously already been drinking. She told him to sit down at the kitchen table. She put a bottle of booze in the middle of the table, and sat across from him. She looked him squarely in the eye and said, “There’s your choice. That bottle or me! Choose one right now. Not just for tonight. Forever! You will walk out the door tonight with one of us, and the other you will eliminate from your life. If you choose the bottle, we are done. If you choose me, you are done drinking. For good.”
He had been drinking earlier, but something in her tone, something in her eyes, cut right through the fog and rammed him in his gut like a spear. “I literally had to gasp for air,” he said. “I chose her. I decided she was more important to me than booze, so I quit. She made it clear to me, no half-way stuff; no social drinking or an occasional beer. She said I just couldn’t handle it so it was all or nothing.” He sought help in counseling. When asked, “Do you think you could drink socially? Could you exercise control to the point that you could drink in moderation?” he smiled and said, “My folks would say ‘no.’ People in AA would say ‘no.’ I don’t want to try and find out. I know many of my college buddies abused the hell out of alcohol when in college. Yet, they now can have a couple of beers and then head home. They made a choice to drink sensibly once out of school, and they could do it. Maybe I have a body chemistry that gives me only one choice. One thing for sure; why would I want to take a chance on trying to drink socially? The cost of failure would be way too high.”
For decades, the question of whether an alcoholic can learn to drink socially has been debated by psychologists. Some researchers point out the danger in arguing one cannot learn to drink socially, because saying the alcoholic can never learn to consume alcohol in moderation discourages those with drinking problems from ever seeking help. These researchers point out that there are many treatments for excessive drinking that emphasize acquiring controlled drinking patterns to overcome the problem. Others, however, argue that, like Henry, many drinkers are biochemically and behaviorally addicted to alcohol; they simply cannot learn to drink in moderation. We have seen chronic drinkers who show they cannot drink in a controlled or social way. They drink too much and too often over a long period of time. We have also worked with alcohol abusers who recognize they have a problem and are motivated to learn ways to control their consumption. We find these clients can use psychological principles to moderate their drinking, just as others can learn to gamble, use the internet, or eat in moderation.
Are you the chronic drinker who cannot limit yourself to one or two? Or, are you more of an alcohol abuser, someone who occasionally over-indulges, someone who can restrict drinking to weekends or a certain time of day, never drink when driving or caring for children, and examine the situations that encourage inappropriate drinking. We have worked with this latter type of drinker; they recognize they have a problem and are motivated to learn ways to control their consumption.
Researchers will continue to present evidence both pro and con on the question of whether the alcoholic can learn to drink socially. As a final note, however, it can be argued that the question is irrelevant. If someone has a problem with alcohol abuse, why would that person want to control the problem only partially and try to learn moderate consumption? As long as there is a chance of “slipping” out of the moderation, why take a chance? The prudent position is to recognize, “I can control my behavior and my thinking except when I am drinking. I resolve, therefore, to take better control of my life and abstain from alcohol entirely.” Abstinence puts any excessive drinker, alcoholic or non-alcoholic (however one chooses to define those terms), on safer ground.
Psychology and Stress 