Throughout this blog, we emphasize psychological principles for coping with stress:
There are only two things you can directly control: yourthoughts and youractions.
You must accept and face your emotions for what they are— – a part of you.
Inappropriate actions, not your emotions, are your coping challenge.
Optimistic, realistic actions are more important than thinking positive thoughts.
Personal happiness emerges from satisfying actions.
Personal pity parties are avoidance actions that disrupt effective coping.
You have no right to have the corners of your world padded for you.
You are not here to live up to others’ expectations.
Your actions must be guided by a social conscience, values, and ethical standards.
Successful coping with stress involves four steps:
Acceptance: You must resist the temptation to engage in denial about situations that bring you uncomfortable emotions. You must accept reality and your emotional reactions to it.
Accountability: Sometimes your actions have a positiveeffect on others, sometimes a negative effect, and sometimes no effect. You are responsible for realistically determining the impact of your actions.
Humility: Self-preoccupation is a barrier to effective coping. You are not the primary ingredient in the recipe.
Empathy: You must listen to and learn from others. You can resolve conflicts better, and feel more independent and empowered, when you act with the needs of others in mind.
Acceptance and Accountability provide you with a solid coping base, and allow you to enter the Humility Circle. Imagine five actions placed around a circle. At the top, the first position, “Humility,” encourages you to admit that you are not the primary ingredient in your life recipe. Moving around the circle, the second position is “Freedom.” Humility releases you from self-preoccupation and gives you a sense of freedom—an optimistic spirit—that is uplifting. Continuing around the circle, the third position is “Sharing.” Strengthened with your new-found positivity, you can now share yourself with others who are also fighting stress in their lives. You move to the fourth position, “Communication.” Sharing your struggles with others not only requires you to talk to them, but also to listen to and learn from them. That brings you to the fifth and final position, “Empathy.” The circle is now complete. You begin with reducing a focus on yourself as the center of it all, and end with an empathetic understanding of others who are wrestling with life challenges just as you are. Released from the prison of self-absorbed ego, you are able reach out to help others because you understand their plight. Purged of considering yourself special and deserving of pity, you cope with your stressors by helping others with their difficulties. Empathy is the gold standard of coping. There is no more effective therapy than empathetic service to others. The absence of empathy is denial; its presence generates acceptance of what is going on, accountability of what you can do about it, and humility in the presence of others’ suffering.
Psychology and Stress 