Justin is a first-year college student finding himself confronted with information—mostly out of class—that contradicts some of the “facts” he was raised to accept: Black people are intellectually inferior to Whites, lazy, and lacking in ambition; gays are indecent degenerates, morally corrupt sinners who seek to undermine America’s virtue; women are a threat to men in the workplace, and need to be kept out of positions of authority. As the semester progressed, Justin’s social circle expanded, and he was stressed to discover that many of his beliefs just did not stand up to the reality of his experiences. At first, he discounted his college experiences as exceptions to the real world; his thinking involved denial, selective perception, and distorting the reality around him. But slowly, he began to consider another alternative: “Maybe my beliefs about these groups are wrong.”
It’s interesting to note that when confronted with troublesome contradictions like Justin experienced, the last thing most people do to resolve their mental anguish is to change their beliefs. When you think about it, that makes some sense. When coping requires you to change your beliefs, the first step in the process is looking squarely at those beliefs and asking yourself, “Do I have poor judgment? Am I avoiding something? Am I afraid of something that makes me hold onto these beliefs?” Tackling such questions can be tough.
Rodney was an 18-year-old who believed that all Mormon men had multiple wives, only one of whom they made public. The rest were hidden away. Rodney’s father taught him this “fact,” and Rodney’s self-esteem was based on praise and acceptance from his father. He had a mostly unconscious fear of offending his father and suffering rejection, which would plunge him into anxiety about being abandoned. Psychologically, therefore, he could not reject his father’s beliefs and, to our knowledge, he never did. Allegiance to his father kept him in psychological balance. When anyone challenged Rodney’s belief about Mormons—even a practicing member of the Mormon church—he told them they were wrong. He was not interested in rejecting his father’s beliefs.
Sometimes, however, people do change their beliefs. Rachel, a 35-year-old single woman, avoided romantic commitment. At a deep mental level, Rachel feared she would be sexually promiscuous like her mother, who was a prostitute throughout Rachel’s childhood. Rachel believed and feared that romantic involvement would lead her to promiscuity, and expose to herself and others that she had no moral values. Only complete avoidance of emotional commitment could keep her fears hidden. Rachel required long-term professional counseling to be able to accept the reality of her core fears. Over time she was able to consider alternative beliefs and actions that enabled her to cope with her anxiety in more realistic fashion.
Carol, a 19-year-old college student suffered intense test anxiety. Rather than face this truth realistically, she was able to convince her school’s Learning Skills Center that she needed special arrangements in her courses for taking tests. She was a solid B student, but she was tormented with the belief that she was a “dumb, incompetent, loser” who couldn’t face a challenge without special help. Carol was aware of her core fear, and she was able to work with a college counselor for alternative ways—notably better study practices—to confront the anxiety.
When it comes to dealing with stress, no matter what beliefs we’re talking about, when they are unrealistic, illogical, inconsistent, and contradictory—and your actions perpetuate those beliefs—you should attack those beliefs critically and work at discarding them in favor of alternatives. Discuss your choices with a trusted friend, advisor, or professional counselor. Finally, when you choose new actions consistent with more realistic beliefs, make sure you have a reliable social support network. Coping with stress by changing your beliefs is seldom accomplished alone.
Psychology and Stress 