Many emotions are a signal that something is bothering you. Whether it’s anger, anxiety, grief, or depression, there is a temptation to focus on the emotions, and that can lead to complications. For instance, you might start blaming yourself, or others, for them. “I shouldn’t feel this anxious.” “Anyone who had to put up with my spouse would walk around angry, too.” When you focus excessively on your emotions, they can take control of you. To prevent that, you need to focus on actions you can take, not on how you feel. When you identify, evaluate, and analyze the events that bring on your emotions, you can practice those actions to channel emotions and give you a sense of personal control over yourself.
John is a middle-aged man who was a correctional officer in a prison for twenty years. During this time, he suffered from numerous assaults from inmates. This was a much higher frequency than experienced by other officers. When asked why he thought he incurred so many assaults, he acknowledged he was not part of the in-crowd at work. As a matter of fact, he was disliked by most of the prison guards because he was outspoken about his progressive views and political activism, which put him at odds with most of his co-workers. He was the butt of jokes made by his co-workers and his commitment to his job duties did not bring him their respect. There were instances when he heard them talking about him in negative ways, which he found very disappointing, and that made him anxious and suspicious. After suffering a couple of severe assaults during which his peers did not try to help him, he developed PTSD.
He started seeing a psychologist for counseling. He was already working with a psychiatrist on medication for PTSD and Major Depression. Slowly, they found a medication regimen that reduced his anxiety, flashbacks, and nightmares while not disturbing his sleep and positive mood. He also worked with the psychologist to deal with his emotions—especially his anger at work. He learned to walk away from situations, recognizing that it would be self-defeating to be confrontational. He also slowly accepted that walking away did not mean that he was a coward for doing so. This was an important perspective for him to accept, and more effective than his futile attempts to try and suppress his anger. He learned that managing his emotions did not mean trying to make them go away. He reached a major milestone when he realized his temperament was not suited to working in a prison. He was a sensitive man who cared deeply about social justice and hopes for a better society, and 20 years working in a prison environment did not complement those hopes. He admitted he chose to work in a prison for “pay and benefits.” That was an ill-fated decision and much of his frustration and anger was due to that poor decision. But he was not able to see he projected some of his emotions onto other people and environments.
Slowly, a new John began to appear: He secured a new job and worked in counseling on when to honestly confront others; he slowly learned to be more tactful, particularly when around strangers, and not people he felt comfortable with and could trust; he found someone to coach him with exercise routines; he began eating healthier. Persistence with these habits facilitated needed weight loss, increases in self-esteem and assertiveness (as opposed to passive-aggressiveness), and reduction in depression, PTSD, and insomnia symptoms. At this writing he is much happier and content with himself and life, though he still checks in with his counselor about once/month to ensure he stays on the straight and narrow.
Psychology and Stress 