Every January my wife notices that her gym is more crowded than usual with a lot of unfamiliar faces. “Resolutions people,” she tells me, “They’ll be gone by March.” Her prediction generally comes true for nearly all the newcomers. How come? Why don’t New Year’s resolutions last?
“Saturday, January 9th, I’m joining a gym.” There’s a problem right out of the gate. If you tie your resolution to a specific date, you’re just focusing on a date; you’re not motivated; you’re procrastinating, just kicking the can down the road. Picking a date is artificial. “I’m going to work out more to make me lose weight and get in better shape.” We’ve got two problems here: First, you’re putting the cart before the horse, using the resolution (“work out more”) to motivate you (“make me lose weight.”). Resolutions must be the result of motivation to do something, not the catalyst for generating motivation. “The boss invited me to join in a jog last week and I nearly died of exhaustion. That’s no way to get a promotion. I must get in better shape to keep up with him.” You want to improve your chance of getting a promotion now becomes the motivation for the resolution—running more to get in better shape. It always helps to connect your resolution to a specific motivator: “Warm weather will be here soon and I want to look good at the pool. I’ve got to join a gym”; “I’m in a wedding in three months and I want to fit into a smaller dress. I need to join a gym.” The second problem is that the workout-more resolution is too vague. “I need to be in better shape, so I’m going to work out more.” Work out more? Get specific. Make a specific routine involving repetitions, muscle areas, and specific days. To have any chance of success, a resolution must involve specific doable actions: Lose weight? “I will eat a piece of fruit—an apple or a pear—for lunch instead of a sandwich”; “I will walk my neighborhood for 30 minutes every day.”
Resolutions are often unrealistic. You make grandiose, unattainable resolutions (“Be able to run a marathon by Spring”; “Lose 30 lbs. by February,”) and you also believe that you’re reinventing yourself, creating a new you. That’s unrealistic thinking. “I’m going to run two miles every morning before leaving for work so I can qualify for the local marathon in eight weeks.” That’s crazy. “I’m going to reinvent myself—create a new me. For starters I will lose 30 lbs. by February.” Once again, unrealistic thinking.
A good way to make sure that your resolutions are realistic is to connect them to your values. Specifically, you must engage in values-oriented thinking and make your actions consistent with that thinking. “I love being with my family [your value], but I put off spending more time with my kids and spouse” [an action]. “My job brings me little personal satisfaction [your value], but I put off looking for another one” [an action]. Can you see the disconnect between values and actions? When making a resolution, first identify your values, then devise a plan that will help you coordinate those values with compatible actions. “I value my health and the welfare of my family, my obesity is bad for both, so I must lose weight.” I knew a young man who was morbidly obese at nearly 400lbs. When his widowed mother became sick and had to be briefly hospitalized, he realized that if she became unable to care for herself, he would want to do so. He greatly valued his mother’s welfare “But,” he thought, “how can I care for mom if I can’t even tie my own shoelaces?” Over the next two years, he lost 220lbs.
Aaron is ready. He resolves that this year he is going to find a new job. Sure, it was the same resolution he made a year ago but this time he’s serious. Plus, he says the economy is looking better. Sorry, Aaron, but you are showing us how not to make a resolution, how notto attack a challenge: First, you have an excuse for last year’s failure—you weren’t serious last year, but this year you are; the excuse says you have not accepted the reality of your situation; if you did, you wouldn’t need to say you’re serious. Second, you focus on external factors like the economy, rather than on what you may have done wrong to fail in your job search last year. In other words, you haven’t taken accountability for your actions. You have a lousy strategy based on chance external factors, and you haven’t worked on a plan of action that corrects previous mistakes.
The keys to being successful with New Year’s resolutions are no different than the keys for being successful when dealing with any stress in your life: (1) Accept your current situation and be accountable for evaluating your role in it; (2) make a plan of action that results from your motivation to change, not a plan designed to motivate you; (3) include realistic, attainable, and specific actions and goals in your plan; (4) connect your plan to your values; (5) begin now, not at some future date.
Psychology and Stress 