Eyes fixed on that glowing screen as you dig into the internet looking for something, anything, that will give your life meaning? You probably think you have found it, but you haven’t. That screen is entertaining and informative, but it’s also full of fake stuff, especially the stuff that talks about your mind.
A basic tenet of psychology is that when you see yourself doing something, you incorporate that activity, and its accompanying values, into your self-concept. When you see yourself isolated, alone, full of despair and self-criticism (“I’m such a loser.”), and accepting all that fake internet stuff, you define your self-concept in those ways. On the other hand, when you interact with others in real—not virtual—life, and do so with purpose, meaning, and contentment, you will endow your self-concept with purpose, meaning, and contentment; you will arm yourself to cope successfully with the stressors and challenges that face you. Remember that when you struggle with yourself, satisfaction is often found in face-to-face interaction with others. Not everyone, of course. There are those who would use you and dominate you to compensate for their own insecurities. But there are many who can be trusted, others like you who are looking for genuine, honest, and honorable interactions. Find them in your daily activities. Your computer screen may show you how to get from your house to a destination, but it won’t show you how to navigate through life’s challenges.
Grace, 47. “My daughter is 17. It was only recently that she opened-up to me and expressed her fear and anger from being bullied online. When she finally stopped denying her emotions and acting like everything was OK, we were able to communicate and work together on her insecurities—and mine!”
Grace’s daughter, Kasie: “I’m learning it’s good to talk to someone you trust about things. I have a couple of friends—and my mom—I feel OK talking to when I’m sad and worried. They help me with it. I’m not alone anymore. I also started volunteering at the soup kitchen on Saturdays. It gets rid of all that garbage people were saying about me. I can see now that I really do care about others. That makes me feel good. I really can be useful.”
Kasie’s classmate, Jackie: “It’s great to have a friend like Kasie. We seem, to understand each other, I guess because we have a lot of the same problems. I always feel better after talking with her. She says I should join her volunteering at the soup kitchen; she says I’ll feel better about myself. I’m thinking about it.”
Psychology and Stress 