Note: Normally I post new entries on Friday. The probability of having power this Friday, however, is low, thanks to Milton.
Martha, now in her 50s, came to counseling struggling with loneliness. She was also having difficulty with her homosexuality. For years, she had a stable and intimate relationship with her partner, Lois. However, Lois died suddenly and Martha was emotionally devastated. She was not one to announce or otherwise display her sexual preference. The fact that she lived and worked in a small town, far from larger metropolitan areas where there would be more support from a gay/lesbian population, just added to her adjustment difficulties. Also, her age made it difficult for her to meet available gays in her own small community.
Over time, she became more and more depressed over her personal loss, as well as extremely lonely and longing for affection. She also began to show symptoms of subtle suicide. That is, she developed an ambivalence about life, deciding that she didn’t care about living; this attitude made her vulnerable to risky, careless behaviors. For instance, a same-sex neighbor became interested in her. Well into her 50s and desperate for a love connection, Martha pursued an intimate relationship despite her better judgment (the neighbor was married).
A few years later, Martha moved to a larger city and entered counseling because her married partner rejected her after more than three years of involvement. Although angry and upset over the way the relationship ended, she decided to face many of her fears, and entered counseling for help. After her initial diagnostic workup, the counselor realized that she had many strengths and positive attributes to work with, and the prognosis for achieving her goals was excellent. Counseling helped guide her into constructive ways of coping with her loneliness and depression. She realized she had to avoid self-defeating actions that could make her even more depressed and produce other negative emotional states like anxiety, frustration, and anger.
Martha learned that she had to accept her sadness and loneliness, and get better control over both her thinking and her actions. She took responsibility for those things she could control, but also accepted the fact that she was not to blame for the failed relationships. She stopped obsessing (something she could control) over the behavior of others (something she could not control), stopped feeling sorry for herself, and began to reach out and meet new people. Her social outreach helped her develop empathy for others as she became more and more engaged in gay pride initiatives. Her loneliness faded as she discovered new strengths in herself that emerged from seeing that she could be a positive influence in the lives of others. When she ended her counseling, she was not in a committed relationship, but she was developing a wide social network, and was viewed by many in the gay as someone they could turn to for support and understanding. Martha’s sense of self, and her psychological stability, grew strong and gave her a sense of purpose in life.
Psychology and Stress 