Unfriend?

Another dark night? Eyes fixed on that glowing screen as you dig into the internet looking for something, anything, that will give your life meaning? You probably think you have found it, but you haven’t. That screen is entertaining and informative, but it’s also full of fake stuff, especially the stuff that talks about your mind. One thing that’s really bugging you tonight is whether to unfriend someone who lately has been a source of irritation and stress for you.

Dr. Carlea Dries has some advice when you’re faced with this dilemma. “Several years ago, I facilitated a group with a few ‘tween’ and teenage girls. Alyssa was describing an issue she was having with Sarah, from another town. Sarah was bullying Alyssa by consistently posting degrading, hurtful, and offensive comments on Alyssa’s wall. Alyssa felt trapped, helpless, and disheartened. A member of our group innocently said, ‘Why don’t you just block her?’ This simple suggestion changed Alyssa’s perspective on the situation as she suddenly realized she had an option that would allow her to regain power and control over the situation.  

            “The next time the group met, Alyssa proudly reported that she blocked Sarah and felt a lot better after doing so. Christina asked Alyssa if she had any guilt about blocking Sarah, who was once a friend. Alyssa said it never occurred to her that she should feel guilty. ‘Why should I feel guilty? Sarah was being nasty so I stopped it.’ Christina replied that she would have just hidden Sarah from her newsfeed, and added, ‘What if Sarah noticed and called you out on it? What would you do?’ As we discussed these issues it became apparent to the group that everyone has different thresholds for emotions. Whatever the threshold, however, the key is to search for options that will provide a sense of empowerment, and remember that there are often several solutions to issues. You always have a choice, and you should do what makes you comfortable. Alyssa chose to block Sarah; Christina would hide her.  

            “Bullying is not the only time blocking may be appropriate. For some people the barrage of special photos that are posted to social media (such as, new baby, first day of school, family outings, holidays) can be overwhelming, especially when grieving a loss. You may choose to avoid social media when those posted triggers are around. You may choose to block (or hide) the friends or family who routinely share pictures that you find upsetting. The thing to remember in all of this, of course, is that you have the power. 

            “You might ask, ‘Isn’t blocking someone really just avoiding an issue?’ That’s a valid and fair question, but the answer is no! In Alyssa’s case, blocking is not avoidance because she is taking a proactive and empowering step, taking charge to control an issue. Exercising power and control when appropriate is the gold standard of coping when confronted with social media challenges. In fact, not trying to empower yourself will prevent you from coping effectively with the challenge. So, when it comes to social media and those who just bring you bad vibes, go ahead and hide or block them; you will ultimately feel a sense of control when you scroll through your newsfeed. Block, hide, or unfriend; do what brings you that sense of empowerment.”