Natalia is the scourge of the neighborhood. She lives alone in a house owned by her mother in a quiet, middle-class neighborhood that Natalia does everything she can to disrupt. In Winter, she does not clear snow off her section of sidewalk; in Summer her front yard is full of weeds; in Fall she does not rake her leaves; she goes out of her way to annoy her neighbors, and gets especially belligerent when she has “had a few.” On several occasions neighbors have called the police, and once she pushed an officer in anger. That action resulted in her arrest and an appearance before a judge, who fined her—mom paid the fine—and ordered her to undergo counseling.
Natalia was raised by an indulgent, overprotective mother, and a cold, distant father. Thanks to mom she developed a strong sense of entitlement, and she constantly sought—unsuccessfully—attention from her father. Right before her high school graduation she became pregnant by her boyfriend, Jan. Both Natalia’s and Jan’s parents insisted they get married right away. Their first child was a boy, followed by another boy three years later.
When the older boy reached his first birthday, Natalia’s dad began to take an interest in him, and he began to spend more and time with “my grandson.” Natalia was thrilled because she had more contact with dad and got to know him at last. But suddenly and unexpectedly, her dad died. Natalia was crushed with grief, but at the same time, mad as hell at her dad for “deserting me again.” Her unresolved abandonment anxiety of childhood was resurrected and affected her entire life. She turned her inward anger toward dad onto Jan—and people in general—and slowly began to alienate him. Only mom escaped her wrath because she continued to indulge Natalia’s every whim.
The kids were 12 and 15 when Natalia and Jan divorced. Natalia moved in with mom—the house referred to earlier. After a couple of years mom remarried and moved to live with her new husband. Still the overindulgent mom, she let Natalia and the kids continue to live in the house, and she continued to pay the mortgage and house maintenance costs. Life was tough on the kids: Natalia had a parttime job that covered her grocery and gas expenses, but she had developed a drinking problem that strained the budget. There was also a steady stream of men who frequented her home at night. Living with her was extremely stressful, and each child left home upon turning 18. Natalia’s abandonment anxiety again consumed her, and as time went on, her unresolved family anger manifested itself more and more in public, much to the consternation of her neighbors.
After several months, Natalia’s court-ordered counseling ended and she went her way. She never really profited from her sessions because she wasn’t at all motivated to work on her problems, which were deep and excessive. She said, “I’m only here because the judge will put me in jail if I’m not.” She made no progress in resolving her anger issues, and during her drinking/drug-use binges her thinking became incoherent, irrational, and paranoid. She showed many borderline personality-disorder symptoms, and comorbidity with histrionic, narcissistic, and antisocial conditions. The prognosis for Natalia is not good, and she will likely continue to be the scourge of the neighborhood.
If you’re concerned you may have some repressed anger resulting from unresolved issues, especially from childhood and adolescence, here are some warning signs: chronic stress or anxiety; feeling sad or depressed a lot; sarcasm or cynicism when talking with others; feeling bitter, envious, or resentful of others; avoidance of difficult emotions; becoming defensive when accused of being angry; frequent shutting down and isolating yourself; complaining when things don’t go your way; holding grudges and ruminating on things that upset you. What can you do about this inner anger? Recognize it and accept the reality of its presence; go to counseling; recognize the triggers that bring it on and seek ways to manage those triggers; deep breathing; enlist your support network—not your enabling network.
Psychology and Stress 