Scottie Davis Winslow of Optum Consulting asks working people, “How can you achieve that balance between the demands of the workplace and the obligations of everyday life outside the workplace?” Those obligations could be as simple as grocery shopping and picking up the cleaning, or more involved like finding time to be with spouse or children and caring for elderly parents. No matter what the obligation, when work interferes with everyday life you can suffer significant stress. How should you handle it? Some of Winslow’s suggestions:
Identify your goals and values and make sure family, friends, and those depending on you understand where you’re coming from. [We often point out in this blog how you need to link your values to your coping actions.]
Communicate to others the various parts of your life, your priorities, and seek others’ help in achieving them to everyone’s satisfaction. For instance, if your kids understand and accept that you are not available for them all the time, they are likely to be more willing to work with you to find that quality time with them on a regular basis.
Do not get into the perpetual “apology” mode. Do you frequently feel guilty and say, “I’m sorry”? Do you feel that the things you do for others must always take precedence over what you need to do for yourself now and then? Sometimes effective coping requires you to be a little selfish and tend to yourself. Don’t be afraid to include yourself in your priorities. Ignoring your physical and mental well-being to serve others can be destructive in the long run. [Humility is one cornerstone of our model of effective coping. That means to remember that you are not the prime ingredient in all you do, and you should not take yourself too seriously. It does not mean you must subjugate yourself to the whims of others.]
Regularly monitor and adjust your daily priorities to meet unexpected situations. Plans go awry; circumstances change; new priorities insert themselves into your daily routine. Your task is to adjust, adapt, and let your coping efforts evolve to meet the changing requirements in your daily life. [Adapting to change is accepting reality, another cornerstone of this blog’s coping model.]
Winslow offers some useful and proactive suggestions, and we regularly touch on them in this blog. Woman or man, husband or wife, these suggestions can greatly improve one’s coping skills. And let’s not forget an additional piece of reassurance specifically for working moms. Did you know that women who work are often better off psychologically and physically than women who don’t? Now don’t take that statement as criticism of stay-at-home moms. Many such moms are perfectly happy, and some working moms are miserable. Keep your coping efforts relevant to your needs.
Psychology and Stress 