Do you care too much about what other people think of you? Are you frequently self-conscious in situations when others are around, and find yourself obsessing about questions you direct at yourself: “Do they hate me?” “Am I weird to them?” “Do they think I’m a klutz?” “Why can’t I be better?” “Why do I worry so much about what people think?” That last one is a good question because you have no control over what others think about you. What you do have is some control over your reactions when you think others are “sizing you up,” and—in your mind at least—deciding you’re not very competent. You might be willing to admit that your concern is pretty irrational, and should be discarded. Ah, but that’s easier said than done, isn’t it? After all, challenging your own rationality is difficult. There are, however. some “first steps” you can take to begin the process.
First, keep reminding yourself that you have no control over what others think about you. Try this self-talk: “Their thoughts are their problem, and there’s no need for me to make their problem my problem.” That kind of reminder can help you focus on you and not on them; you can exercise some control over the former, but not the latter. The fact is, the best way to stop worrying about what others may think of you is to become comfortable with yourself, who you are—your strengths, weaknesses, and someone who works to be the best they can be. Instead of ruminating over what others think, find activities—especially those that help others—that give you a sense of self-esteem and self-worth, activities that help you feel “secure in your own skin.”
Second, it helps to be alert for specific situations where wondering what others think becomes an anxiety issue for you. In those situations, consider clearing the air by asking them. If you’re losing sleep over someone you’re pretty comfortable with—like your work colleague who lately seems to be acting “different” when you’re around, or your best friend who suddenly seems too busy to talk—a simple solution to your distress is to straight-up ask them: “You know, sometimes I wonder what you think of me, especially when you’re watching me do something. And lately you always seem busy when I’m looking to chat awhile. What’s with that?”
Finally, remember that obsessing over what others may be thinking about you isn’t going to make your worries go away or make you feel better. One thing that will help you with that is for you to engage in activities that bring you a sense of satisfaction and make you feel useful and less anxious. Such engagement is largely under your control, and can help you focus on finding and being yourself and all you can be, rather than stressing about living up to the expectations of others.
One Saturday morning, Marty got fed up with himself and told his wife: “I’m tired of worrying about how Ben [his next-door neighbor] seems to want to hang out with Phil [another neighbor] more than me. I swear I spend too much time on the lookout for Ben so I can go next door and ask him if I can help him with anything. I think I’ll drive down to the community center and help out with that food distribution program I read about in the paper.”
Marty got home 4 hours later. His wife said, “Wow! They must have kept you busy.” He replied, “You wouldn’t believe the size of this operation. I’ll bet we had 20 volunteers packing up food boxes for distribution. Sally and Adam from down the street were there. We loaded everything into car trunks and headed out to deliver. Everyone had a list of addresses. It was so well organized and the people were so appreciative. I really felt useful and can’t wait for next week. You’ll have to come along.” “Maybe so,” she said. “Oh, by the way, Ben is looking for you to help him with something.” “OK,” Marty said, “maybe later. Right now I have to call Daniel who runs the community food program. When he heard I worked in marketing, he asked if I could help him design some PR strategies for getting more volunteers.”
Reaching out, serving others, and doing things that make you feel useful and bring you satisfaction: A perfect antidote to self-doubts and worrying about what others think of you.
Psychology and Stress 