Susan just went through a very messy divorce after 12 years of marriage. Deep inside she blames herself for the breakup, and has a lot of self-directed anger pent up. But at some level of consciousness, she just cannot admit these feelings to herself; to do so would create levels of anxiety her mind just is not willing to accept. She is depressed and angry, both at her ex-husband and his family, especially his family. “I hate them all. They always took his side whenever we had a problem, and I figure they’re thrilled that I’m out of their son’s life. They’re all angry at me and blame me for what happened. His mother called me the other day acting like she was concerned for me, but I’m not dumb. They act like they want to help me,” Susan says, “but I can see that they hate me for what happened.”
Susan is using the ego-defense of Projection. She has some unpleasant, anxiety-laden emotions in herself that she just can’t face, so she projects these undesirable qualities onto her ex-husband’s family. Note how the use of projection is a form of anxiety avoidance. Susan doesn’t want to face unwanted traits in herself, so she sees those traits in others. What a great way to avoid the stress of self-examination!
Remember the classic argument on the playground when you were in 3rd grade? Two 10- year-olds going at it: “Well, you’re dumb!” “No, you’re dumb!.” “Uh, uh, you’re dumb.” “No, you’re the dumb one.” Back and forth, each kid—insecure and not wanting to appear dumb in front of peers—projects dumbness onto the other. This projective interplay becomes a little more sophisticated between adults when they use more complex sentences and words.—“Bill, if you weren’t so stubborn, we could get this project done faster.” “Me? Stubborn? Come on, Kevin, you wrote the book on stubbornness.”—But, however you look at it, it’s projection, and it’s incompatible with effective and healthy coping with stress.
Projection is an ego-defense strategy one uses by switching from self-blame to other-blame. The switch makes projection a first cousin of hypocrisy. Politicians do it all the time. They vote for expensive projects and then criticize their opponent for being a spendthrift, and adding to the deficit. But hypocrisy gets votes in the twisted world of politics. When it comes to coping with stress, however, the switch from self to other is denial, avoidance, and refusal to be personally accountable. The result? Coping failure and increased anxiety. Projection focuses on them, but there is no them. You are the problem, and when you project on them, you do damage to yourself by avoiding facing yourself. Projection occurs because you dislike yourself, and when there is self-hatred there can be no healthy coping.
Like all forms of stress avoidance, projection prevents psychological growth, self-awareness, and development of self-empowerment to face life challenges. It also prevents being vigilant for signs that you are using projection to hide what you can’t face in yourself. Such signs would be failure to hold yourself accountable, being excessive and repetitive in your criticism of others, and disengaging from social interactions. From a coping perspective, it pays to heed comments from friends that you are criticizing others for actions you yourself have taken in the past. For instance, Bruce points out to a co-worker, Adam, that Adam is insensitive to the needs of Sharon, a co-worker who has a disability that confines her to a wheelchair. “Uh, Bruce,” says Adam, “I remember just last week when you told me that Sharon uses her disability to make us feel sorry for her so we’ll do her job for her. Remember how you said, ‘Sharon really plays the disability card’? That was kind of insensitive, don’t you think?” Adam’s comments should be a warning to Bruce that he is projecting his own insensitivity toward Sharon onto Adam.
Psychology and Stress 