Feeling stressed this Memorial Day weekend? There are many different exercises that involve relaxation. Breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation are two of the most common strategies for reducing tension. Both can be engaged quickly and discreetly, so whether you’re frustrated at work or at dinner, you can reduce tension and stress quickly and quietly. Remember, however, relaxation exercises take practice before they can become your go-to strategies at times of strong emotional arousal.
When some people experience episodes of anger or anxiety, they find that it helps to take a moment and think about what other feelings might be involved. Did someone say something that embarrassed you, or make you sad, and your anger is a reaction to those emotions? Are you angry about being criticized, or having someone disappoint you by not keeping a promise, or canceling plans? Identifying the trigger that brought on your emotional stress can help you avoid denying or suppressing the emotions you’re feeling, and be better able to take appropriate action.
Our Blog Post on 5/27/2022 by Counselor Brian Cook discussed a variety of techniques he uses with clients to help them relax and focus on a task at hand. Here’s a summary of some of those techniques.
One of the most fundamental problems with anxiety and stress is projecting into the future: “I’m going to be so tense next week when I take that driving test, I’ll probably fail.” Have you been guilty of “future thinking”? Why not focus your thinking on the present? Doing so will reduce inner tension and help you take charge of your current reality. Just remember, you may relate better to some methods better than others. That’s OK.
Deep Breathing. When you’re anxious one of the first things is to get your normal breathing rate back. First, empty your lungs – “blow out the birthday candles,” so to speak. Exhale all the air you can. Then take a deep breath in through your nose for about 5 seconds. Repeat 5 to 10 times but don’t focus on the number.
Next, try to gain a rhythm, such as 3 seconds in through the nose and 3 seconds out through the mouth. No need to focus on timing things; just make each phase last a moderate time. With practice several times each day, you will become quite proficient at loosening yourself up in a stressful situation. Deep breathing should accompany all the remaining relaxation methods.
Using Your Senses. The 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 progression uses your five senses to orient your thinking to the present. First, picture five things you can see around you and describe each using an adjective or two. Ideally find objects that give you a relaxed feeling. For instance: “I see a black chair; I see a table that has a computer monitor on it; the table is on a blue rug; I see a window and bright sunshine outside; near the window is a tree full of green leaves.”
Next, describe four things you can touch, again using an adjective or two. “A part of my chair has a metal frame that is cool to the touch.” Next, describe three things you can hear – “There is a soft hum of the air conditioner.” Then describe two things you can smell – it’s OK to lean over and smell the flowers on the desk. Finally, describe one thing you can taste – take a swig of your water or coffee. You can do these in any order but typically it works best if you follow this order of the senses as it hard to engage a number of things for each sense. For example. it’s hard to smell 5 things at once.
Detailed Focusing.When you start to feel anxious, this technique involves focusing on one thing and imagining every possible detail. Then take each detail, name it, and focus on various characteristics. If you picture a car, for instance, how many details about a car can you name? There’s the engine, door handles, hood, trunk, steering wheel, etc. Any of these parts can also be broken down into parts. This sort of mental effort can go a long way toward getting your mind off the topic that was making you anxious, and reduce much of your inner tension. If you still feel anxious after you try this once, move on to another object and continue to count the details. As always, pair this process with your breathing exercise.
Taken together, these techniques comprise what some have called a “Calm Down” Kit that you can use to relax. The idea behind the “kit” is to give you a variety of options for engaging all your senses to focus on calming, soothing, comforting, and peaceful states to distract you from emotional triggers that are irritating and upsetting. Give yourself some time and practice, and activating the relaxing states can become almost automatic.
Psychology and Stress 