A Cure For Loneliness For Teens–and Anyone.

Another lonely night? Eyes fixed on that glowing screen as you dig into the internet looking for someone to relate with, someone who will help you find meaning in your life? Along the cyber highway you read about highly successful, physically beautiful, and exceptionally bright people. You wonder, “Why can’t I be like that? Why am I such a loser? Why can’t I be more successful?”

You’re falling into a very common coping trap when facing loneliness: Judging yourself against others who are shining examples of success or beauty. This is a flawed strategy because there will always be those better than you, and worse than you; why choose the former for comparison? For example, you might believe you have a less active social life than others, but you don’t realize you’re always comparing yourself only to the most sociable people you know. Your comparison may also be based on a faulty assumption. Consider Caitlyn, a college freshman whose self-esteem and confidence were in the toilet. Seems she was convinced that all the other students in her classes—none of whom she knew—were geniuses and she was the one dummy in the class. Her social-comparison assumption was flawed. Comparing yourself to others in this fashion is not the way to counter loneliness.

Logoff the social media, get a pencil and paper, and write down your answers to the following questions: (1) “Do I have to outperform everyone to be a worthwhile person?”  (2) ”Am I focusing on comparing myself mostly to “stars”? (3) “What are some memories I have of good times with my friends? Can I use those memories to find new things to do, things that will bring me interactions that will be enjoyable and give me a sense of purpose?”

Here’s the bottom line: Get involved in an activity that involves serving other people, and that gives you a sense of purpose, satisfaction, and stability. This sort of activity will help you nurture empathy for others; you can then compare yourself to others while being sensitive to their needs, not just yours. When you are bothered by loneliness, frustration, anger, and self-criticism, there is nothing more uplifting than realizing that others have similar problems and need understanding, too. The development of empathy is essential to healthy coping with stress. Focus on the needs of others and reach out to them. You will find you will not only help them, but also help yourself. Finding empathy will allow you to get off your pity train because you will no longer feel lonely.