Lars was part of a ten-person project team at work. Unfortunately, he felt he knew more than any of the other nine members in the group, and he had a habit of stopping by their offices a couple of times every day to see what they were doing. Invariably, he would then explain that there was a better way of doing things, and he would be glad to take over. After a while, these repeated interruptions began to irritate his colleagues, and eight of them complained to the project supervisor that he was slowing down their progress. The supervisor had a talk with Lars who told him that things were moving slowly because his colleagues were messing things up, and he [Lars] should be doing their work. The supervisor removed Lars from the project. One team member, Bruce, complained about the removal. He told the supervisor, “These guys provoked Lars’ behavior by letting him get under their skin. When he comes into my office, I just ignore him—tune him out—and do my work.” The supervisor decided that Bruce did not understand the root of the Lars issue, or how his project colleagues felt about Lars, and that Bruce was not much of a team player. The supervisor removed Bruce from the project.
People hear what we say with their brains, but they listen to us with their hearts. Coping with stress often involves being a listener, and also being able to reach other listeners, an ability both Lars and Bruce lacked. When you are able to reach your listeners’ hearts, you are communicating with empathetic messages. And you know what will happen next? You will discover that your personal coping efforts will be greatly enhanced because you will realize you’re communicating with your own heart. That self-discovery will bring you independence and empowerment seasoned with empathy. The result? Your independence will be without isolation and loneliness; your empowerment will be without self-absorption.
Psychology and Stress 