Disciplining a child without the use of physical punishment is a preferable parental style these days. As society moves more and more to conservative practices, however, it’s possible that harsh childrearing techniques, including spanking, may return. Most people do not want to see a return to childrearing practices that deny decades of sound psychological research into the cognitive, emotional, and social development of children. That research shows that physical punishment is ineffective in changing behavior, potentially contributes to childhood trauma, and can have adverse consequences that extend into adulthood. Still, there are some disturbing trends: reputable media sources are reporting an increasing trend of allowing corporal punishment in schools. Some school districts have been designing policies that – with written parental permission – allow teachers to “paddle” children. Such a policy begs the question: what kind of parent would permit a teacher to inflict pain on their child?
If you are like most parents, and believe that physical punishment is inappropriate with kids, and just teaches them that violence is the best way to deal with conflict, here are some steps to follow to help you adopt a child-punishment style that avoids physical actions: (1) Accept that you are at times tempted to lash out physically; that is normal. In other words, you are not a robot habitually in a steady state. (2) Identify situations that make you want to engage in physical punishment. Examine and evaluate those elements and your reactions so you can consider alternative ways of reacting. It may be a particular time of day; or when running errands in the car with the kids in the back seat; or when the kids first return from school wound up higher than a kite ready to release energy. Being aware of the situations where you are more likely react impulsively and lose control will make it easier for you to manage your emotions appropriately. (3) Remember that you are the one who controls rewards and privileges. (4) Be consistent in how you apply that control, and practice exercising it without physical punishment. (5) Use positive methods like approval and rewards to control your child’s behavior. (6) If you are habitually using physical punishment against a child, seek professional help because relying on physical punishment will likely escalate into child abuse.
Psychology and Stress 