The Coping Sequence: A Review

The Coping model developed in this blog involves four steps:

Acceptance of Reality. Conspiracy theories are fun, but they are a form of avoidance of reality. Think of acceptance as the opposite of avoidance of your problems. When you seek to avoid and escape your stressors, you get trapped by irrational thinking, denial, and passively believing what others tell you. Acceptance, on the other hand, means empowering yourself to face yourself and the reality around you. It does not mean submissively consenting to the dictates of others. It means accepting the fact that you need to coordinate your actions with your values, and to take appropriate action that may involve working through some pain and suffering if you are to grow.

Acceptance leads to…

Accountability. Take responsibility for your actions and their consequences. Accountability does not mean you always must admit that you were at fault for what happened. It means recognizing that you are responsible for evaluating your role in some event. In many cases, you must choose not to blame yourself, not to form a pity parade, and not to make it all about you as a sufferer. Accountability means empowering yourself to choose how best to evaluate an experience, and how best to resolve the subsequent emotions you feel.

Accountability leads to…

Humility. You are not the primary ingredient in the recipe. Humility allows you to go “beyond yourself,” to face your troubles directly, and to interact with others who are also hurting. Only with humility will you be able to see the importance of reaching out to others with problems like yours; only with humility can you understand the effect you are having on others; only with humility can you become “other-oriented” rather than “me-oriented.”

Humility leads to…

Empathy. When most people think of empathy, they think of sympathy: “If I understand how another person is feeling, I am more likely to feel sympathy toward them, and want to help them.” Maybe so, but in a coping context, empathy has a much broader meaning than feeling sorry for someone. When you use empathy to cope, you are acting with moral strength; you are empowered by an understanding of how others are feeling, and you reach out to them – not because you pity them, but because you see yourself in them. The beauty of empathy is that both you and the other reap psychological benefits. Walk in another’s shoes, and service to others will follow; and, there is no more effective coping therapy than empathetic understanding and assistance to others.  Giving of yourself to others will be the greatest gift you ever receive.