I have seen social media posts and news reports that quote folks who seem to equate pedophilia and grooming. This linkage is unfortunate because it implies that anyone who uses grooming techniques on another person must be a pedophile. The fact is, however, that grooming can take place in a variety of contexts – romantic, terrorist propaganda, childrearing, and criminal enterprises. Con artists interested in cheating vulnerable people out of money often target grieving widows or widowers for grooming; drug dealers target impressionable adolescents to groom. The essence of grooming is when a perpetrator manipulates a victim by building trust, and steadily brings the victim under control. Successful grooming is when the victim becomes willingly submissive to the perpetrator. Most, if not all, pedophiles use grooming strategies on children; that does not mean, however, that all people who use grooming are pedophiles.
Pedophilia is a psychological disorder that is characterized by an adult or older adolescent being sexually attracted to children who have not reached puberty, typically kids younger than 12. In the psychiatric and psychological professions, pedophilia is distinguished from child sexual abuse. The adult teacher who seduces a post-pubescent 15-year-old student is committing child sex abuse, but is not considered a pedophile unless they have a primary or exclusive sexual interest in prepubescent children. Similarly, indecent exposure, grooming, and producing child pornography can be examples of child sexual abuse. The exact age for what is considered child sexual abuse would depend on the age of consent established in a state.
Another example of sexual abuse would be pederasty, which refers to a sexual relationship between an adult man and a boy. The boy is typically a passive recipient of sexual actions by the adult. Again, who is a “boy” would be determined by the local age of consent, which would define when the boy is considered competent to consent to sexual acts. Pederasty was once associated with The North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA). This organization advocated abolishing both age-of-consent laws, and laws that make sexual behavior between an adult man and a boy a crime. Law enforcement organizations generally find that NAMBLA has all but disappeared as members drifted into other pedophilia groups.
When you hear someone accuse another of being a pedophile, critically evaluate their accusation by keeping in mind some important distinctions: Are they talking about prepubescent, pubescent, or post-pubescent minors? Are they talking about child sexual abusers or pedophiles? Some people who commit child sexual abuse are pedophiles, some are not, and some pedophiles do not molest children. Be wary and critical of those who interchangeably use terms like sexualization (see our post on June 30, 2023), grooming, and pedophilia. They usually do so to score points in the political or sociocultural arena by accusing an opponent as being perverted. Pedophilia is a serious social and psychological disorder with no reliable cure; using it to make thoughtless, uninformed accusations against an adversary just to impugn their character is completely dishonorable.
Psychology and Stress 